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THE STORIES


29 July 2007


in my recent life, i had came upon many ocassions where people around me, be it my friends, my colleagues, my boss or even those superiors with high capacity threw me a question like "What do you intend to do after ORD?" and i'll simply reply that i have no idea. it could be work, it could be study. i've yet to have my decision fixed.

i no longer possess the drive and motivation in life. i've seen friends whom really go for what they wanted. many successors succeed. and thats how i got influenced and it gave impetus to my life back then. whenever i face downtime or terribly low morale, i'll think of michelle. i knew i've been mentioning her name for more than i can remember. shes really my source of motivation. we used to study together and thats where it all started. i would have flunked! seriously speaking. and now she has finished her U and waiting for the results to be out in sept. she has got a stable job, a very loving boyfriend, caring family members and friends.
though the god can't promise human beings to live w/o difficulties, challanges and hard times. but wouldn't you think michelle's life have been much well off.

i felt that the friends around me often mistaken myself for being sarcastic or something like a kind, out of all my good/kind intentions i've provided them. and i sort of realised that my friends din know me too well after all. they've never appreciated my efforts and of all the things i did for them. they thought/feel that i'm trying to pull them off rather than having better advices for them. they've gotten me wrong. i probably didn't make the best choice for them, but at least i do willingly lend a helping hand. when they wanted something, but were indecisive, they depended on me to give the best solution for them. and in turns gotten me wrong for giving them a win-lose solution. they will think that the thing benefits myself or others more than him/her. its the wrong perception they are getting. the reason why i don't give the perfect choice was to prevent unhappiness. if i say this good and that is not. and your idea was the opposite. a conflict of ideas will appear. thats when ppl take me as being sarcastic.
i hope i've made myself clear out of all these.

PPL TOOK ME FOR GRANTED. i've heard a saying "Ren Shan Bei Ren Qi" (means "the good-hearted gets bullied"). i mean i can't help it. its my nature. i hated ppl who stick so closely to you or even SUCK UP to you whenever they needed help that badly. And i always did as i was told. i'm always leaded by the nose. At times this ppl will take chance to insult, criticize some of the things i did and they think i'm a PAIN IN THE ASS! extreme attitude and negative remarks i'll get in return. WHAT DO THEY TAKE ME AS? A TOY? A TOOL? A BACKUP?
if i hadn't given so much help to this ppl, would they have been gotten away with work that easily?!

"tried refusing to help or give some excuse?" of course i did. they would have their face changed and eyes staring in disagreement. a different way they'll look at me. and they'll start all the INSULTS.. i thought i should be strong and firm towards handling my social rapports.

10:16 AM

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